Into Your Arms My Own Cell
by ACeH-aH
Summary: Season 6: Buffy returns feeling dead inside, mad at everyone and unable to feel. But she can feel Spike. And now she needs him more than ever.
1. Prologue

"I know I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man. And that's… Well," Spike smiled up to Buffy from the door way, trying to portray to her just a very small bit of what she meant to him.

_He could die tonight. _Buffy thought to herself, debating her next move inside her head. Making up her mind, she walked back down the stairs – forgetting for just a second how strictly scheduled they all were to stop the coming apocalypse. She stopped in front of Spike, looking up at him curiously. _Funny, he looks too happy to know that he could die in the next ten minutes. _She thought idly. But all thoughts were thrown from her mind when she stood on the tips of her toes to kiss him gently, not even realizing she was doing it.

Spike's eyes widened in his shock, but then drifted shut while he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him, and feeling himself get slightly terrified when she pulled away.

"You know that we might not all make it." She looked at him, lifting a hand to caress his cheek.

"I'll die happy, with your kiss on my lips." He beamed at her, happiness like he'd never felt before surging into him, making him glow like an angel.

"Try not to?" She requested simply, and turned to go back to the stairs.

He stopped her though, snatching her hand in his and pulling her back for a more desperate kiss. He was dismayed when the second kiss lasted just as small of a time as the first.

"I'll do my best." He promised her.


	2. Awake

**Spike**

Niblet is gonna get it. Just wait until I get my hands on her. Running off like that – with all these crazy demon's about! If they don't kill her, I will. Just gotta find her first. It's my job to protect her. And now how am I supposed to be doing that with her all off somewhere in Sunnydale? The one thing I could do. The one thing I ever promised… Her… Gotta find the 'bit. Gotta find Dawn.

Now where would she be? I grabbed the bike I'd taken from the demon before and revved the engine as fast as it would take me. First stop, the Magic Box. Dawn would surely run there right? Dawn would run there right? No, if the others weren't there she wouldn't feel safe. The crypt? 'Course not, if she wanted to go to my place she'd have stayed with me.

Best bet it the Summers' home. I pulled a dangerously sharp U-turn on the broken road – bike going close enough to the ground for the skin of my jeans to tear slightly on the concrete – heading towards the home. Stupid girl if she were there. That's where they'd just run from! But, the place is better than most others.

I pass piles of burning rubble, burning corpses and some artifacts that I couldn't possibly fathom even _with _my vamp senses. _Almost there, _I told myself. _Stay calm just that little bit longer. _I tried to think positive thoughts, but the picture of Dawn's rotting corpse kept breaking into my head. I shoved the mental picture from my mind with a growl, _keep it together!_

Finally I managed my way through the disgusting streets and to the front door of the Summers' home. I dropped the bike without putting up the stand, or snatching the keys, and threw myself threw the door. "Dawn!" I called hysterically, looking around for signs of the little girl. "Dawn are you here?" I listened hard; I could hear her heart beating from upstairs.

"I'm coming!" I heard her quick reply, and then footsteps towards the stairs.

"Thank god, you scared me half to death… or more to death. I could kill you!" I growled at her angrily.

"Spike I-"

"I mean it; I could rip your head off one handed and drink from your brain stem." I was seeing red, that damned girl was going to make me break my promise. That poor girl…

"Look…" Dawn pointed a slender finger to the figure a few steps above her. The Buffybot stared down at me with dead eyes.

"Yeah, I've seen the bloody bot before. Didn't think she'd patch up-"_ No… No it couldn't… Couldn't be… _My thoughts stuttered though my body barely shook as I stared, not dismay, not really, not really joy either, at Buffy. The _real _Buffy.

" She's kind of… She's been through a lot, with the whole – death, and well, the death. But I think she's ok." Dawn stumbled over her words, trying to keep her voice steady, be the strong one. I could feel daybreak spread across my face as I looked up to my lost love. "Spike? Are you ok?" She asked nervously. I guessed I must have looked like death myself. Face flushed, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights probably, and mouth gaping open as if I was choking. I was choking. Couldn't inhale, couldn't exhale, my world was spinning. My head was filling with the strangest emotions. I was ridding on absolute ecstasy at seeing the slayer alive – or, living – only a few feet in front of me. Another part of me was flat on my back with the air pushed out of me, feeling lost for the poor girl who no longer belong in this world. Neither did I really.

"I'm…" I couldn't answer her, not because I was sparing her my tragic little love story, but because I couldn't form the words. "What did you do?" I looked Buffy over, head to toe. She seemed in one piece – on the outside. But her hands, they were torn and bleeding. My heart broke when I realized why.

"Me? Nothing!" Dawn assured me, waving her hands frantically.

"Her hands…"

"We were just getting cleaned up, she's looking a lot better. Less dirty and less… bloody…" Dawn turned to her sister again, surveying her critically as I had.

"Well then let's finish that yes?" I took a few steps upward, never taking my eyes of the angel before – she must be an angel – and stopping just bellow her.

Buffy stared at me with emotionless eyes, watching me soullessly as I watched her with emotion _pouring _from my every corner. She mouthed my name and looked down at her hands, eyes closing half way. _I know love, I know. _I wanted to hold her, wanted nothing more that to just pull her into my arms and stay that way forever. She ducked her head and tilted her body towards mine. At first I thought she was going to fall, and so I lifted my arms to catch her, but she stopped moving. I hesitated, unsure of what to do. But she gently tugged at my sleeve with her index finger and her thumb, not looking at me, but I could still see the desperation spreading across her face, the pace of her heart speeding, her breath quickening. The girl was scared no doubt.

"Come on love," I whispered loud enough for her to hear. I lifted my hands to her elbows, and let my body slide in closer to hers as I guided her back to the upstairs bathroom. "Dawn, get her pajamas, or something more comfortable." I asked of the little 'bit. I knew she'd picked this outfit out for Buffy, but I also knew that "stylish" wasn't at all what the girl needed right then. When Dawn was out of the room I proceeded to question the slayer, find out exactly what had happened to her. "Crawled out of your grave there didn't you?" I asked as softly as I could. Really I couldn't speak any less soft if I'd tried. My words were failing me, and I felt as though I might pass out.

She nodded her head, "That's what I had to do."

I smiled to her, understanding that perfectly. I'd done it a hundred and twenty years or so ago. Uncertainly, I lifted her gently and set her on the counter top by the sink. She watched my hands work impassively. I grabbed a hand towel from a drawer, and soaked it in cold water before applying it gently to the bloody wounds. While I squeezed to stop the bleeding, I looked up at her face. She was starring at me again. Not watching my hands any longer.

"How long have I been gone?" She asked quietly.

"Hundred forty seven days yesterday," I said with a slight smile. "Hundred forty eight today. But, today doesn't really count does it?" I gave a nervous chuckle, and my smile grew quickly. My vision blurred as I felt tears stinging my eyes and I suppressed a moan. _My poor Buffy. _I leaned my head into the crook of her neck, breathing hard. _She isn't real, this is a dream. A really sick, twisted nightmare. The best damn dream I ever had. _She squeezed my hand ever so slightly, hands nearly as cold as mine. She tugged at me again, blood pulsing heavily beneath her skin as her heart began to race for a second time. Her breath pitched when I didn't respond. Eager to calm her, I wrapped an arm around her waist and let one of her hands grip my shirt beneath my duster. She gave a small sob and buried her face in my shoulder. Her hand clenched under mine, starting the bleeding all over again. I pulled back slightly to check the gashes on her knuckles, but let her pull me back against her. Her breath shook with every inhale and every exhale. I slid her to the edge of the counter and she wrapped her legs around my waist, securing me to her.

"Don't leave me." She begged through a pitiful sob. "Please,"

My heart broke for the millionth time as I held the broken woman in my arms. _God I love you._ I squeezed her harder. "Never Buffy." I stroked her hair gently.

"I brought the clothes." Dawn said as she entered the room. "Is she ok?"I tasted the extra salt in the air when Dawn's own tears flooded down her cheeks. I turned and wiped them away with my thumb, and then took the clothes from her.

"Here you are love, just put these on, I'll be waiting outside." I tried to escape her grip, but she panicked again.

"No!" She cried grabbing my arm with slayer strength. "Spike," She moaned.

I turned back to her, a hand resting on her shoulder. "S'alright, not going anywhere." I said helping her off the counter. "I'll just turn around so you can change." I sacrificed myself a glance to Dawn, and pulled her into a short hug when I saw the broken look on her face. This'd be just as hard on the 'bit as it would be for the slayer I imagined.

When Buffy finished getting dressed, Dawn and I lead her into the living room where she sat slowly onto the couch. I sat on the foot rest in front of her, and reached a hand over to stroke her hair again. She whimpered and took my hands, pulling me towards the couch.

"Sit with me?" She asked. I obliged happily, letting myself fall in place beside her, and putting my arm around her shoulders when she leaned into me. _I could stay like this forever. Did I die? Was there some mix up and I actually went to heaven? _Must have. No other explanation.

The rest of the scoobies made their way in then. _Way to ruin a man's heaven. _I mentally snarled at them. S'pose this wasn't heaven, guess the slayer is real.

**Buffy**

My friends came into the living room, all of them calling my name. My _friends._ Is that what they are? Surely friends don't rip other friends out of heaven. How could they? I push myself further into Spike when they surround me, but much to my disappointment he bolts for the door. I thank the gods for Dawn when she grabbs him though, reminding him that he said he'd stay. I saw him look to the ceiling – fighting back tears? But he stays.

I can't make out what everyone is saying. I think they're asking me questions – about what I want? – or maybe they want something from me. I don't know. I don't bother listening to them. All of my thoughts are on Spike and Dawn. _They _didn't pull me out of heaven. But where's Giles? I look around for him, of course he isn't there. I'm nervous for him, but the feeling only lasts for a second.

"Hey! Back off! Let her breath!" Dawn cries to the group of talking adults. I notice Spike wearing the same look of approval that I think I'm wearing. "You did this didn't you?" Dawn accuses. "What did you do?"

"We did a spell," Willow explains to Dawn. "We brought her back, Buffy are you going to be ok? Do you need anything?" I look away from her, trying again to block them out.

Dawn is yelling again, but I return my focus to Spike who looks like he's ready to rip off someone's head.

I hear him when he sais, "You didn't tell me. You brought her back, and you didn't tell me." His voice shakes with the seething bitterness that illuminates him.

"Well now you know." Xander brushes him off, and for some reason, I can't stand it. Can't stand _him._

Spike grabs Xander about the collar and thrusts him into the wall. "I worked beside you a hundred forty seven bleeding days, saved your sorry lives, all of you!" He shouts. I can see tears pouring down his face.

"Uhm, sorry and stop pressing against my boyfriend?" Anya offers.

I can't take it anymore, I have to get away. Spike is seething, I can see that. And Dawn looks appreciatively at him at he does so. I approach him wearily as the crowd goes still. I might have felt uncomfortable with all their eyes on me had I been able to feel anything. I can feel him though, and I realize that I want to. Need to. Need to feel _anything. _Even if it is Spike. And why shouldn't it be? He and Dawn and maybe Giles… They are the only ones I think I'm not angry with. I don't think Giles would have allowed them to bring me back. But I'm not sure.

I pull on Spikes arm until he turns to face me. "I'm a little dizzy," I tell him, hearing the distant ring that is my voice. "Can you help me upstairs?" I look to where I want to go, and he willingly forgets about Xander and the others and puts his hand on the small of my back as he leads me to my bed. "Stay, please." I ask him, not quite ready to be alone. I feel fear closing in when I lie down, I'd been lying down in a box in a hole in the ground for the past… Whatever number Spike had said. With the covers on top of me, and the dark inside the room, I feel as though I'm back in that small enclosed space. I wonder if I'll ever get over the claustrophobia. I sit up quickly when he pulls down the blinds. I can't do it anymore. Can't lie there. He hovers over me for a second, deliberating. "Here, with me." I move to the side, offering him the bed to share with me. I hear him huff out a breath while he takes off his duster and crawls beside me. I let him wrap his arms around me, but when he goes to lean back I tear myself away. "No, no laying down. I can't, Spike I can't." I start to hyperventilate and Spike hushes me soothingly.

"S'alright love, we won't lie down." He leans against the headboard, and lets me rest against his chest. "Just rest on me love." He goes to kiss the top of my head, I know it, I could feel it, but he doesn't. For a brief second I wonder why, and then I remember al l those times I turned him away. I'm asleep before I can think any further.


	3. Feelings

**Willow**

What an interesting dream I had last night. Where Buffy was alive, and there were Hellions everywhere, and Spike was – oh my god what if it wasn't a dream?

I dash out of bed and scramble to Buffy's room, throwing back the door without worrying that she might be in a moment of wanting the door closed. No Buffy. The sheets are messy though. But that could have been from Buffybot.

Not giving up on the dream quite yet, and not getting my hopes up either, I take the stairs two at a time to search for Buffy. When I find her, she's sitting on the couch, leaning against the arm rest and looking into the distance. I wonder how long she's been sitting there, probably a long time since she's still in yesterday's clothes.

Yesterday had been kinda not fun for everybody. When Spike left just before the sun came up, Buffy's blank state intensified. She didn't talk to anyone, and she just sat there staring. We even had to remind her to eat and breath and stuff. Though, not really the breathing part, she did that much on her own.

"Buffy, do you want some breakfast?" I ask in a squeaky voice, still rough with sleep but also hopeful. Maybe today would be better, maybe she'll actually want to eat today. "I can make waffles." I give her a small smile, adding to my hopefulness.

"No, I'm good." She doesn't look at me. I want to ask how bad hell was, maybe if I knew a little bit about it I could help her. But Dawn won't let us ask. She doesn't want Buffy to freak out.

"Ok well, what do ya want to do today?" I put on the biggest smile I can put together and bounce slightly on my heels. "We could watch a movie, or we could shop – oh there's this new store at the-"

"No thanks Willow," Buffy brushes me off quickly, and my heart stings just a little. "I think I'm just gonna take a walk. Need some fresh air in my recently buried head." Her attempt at funny makes my heart squeeze. I mouth an ok to her and pull her into a hug that she doesn't return.

**Spike**

Why couldn't it have been me? _Me _to feel all the pain? Why couldn't _she _just kept living her life, happy as any girl should be, normal, slayery and all that whatnot. Or why couldn't they have just let her rest? I would have let her rest. 'Course I would have. And now there's not a bloody thing I can do about it!

In my anger I throw a good punch at the wall, and I feel the hard cold stone shred the knuckles in my hand."Dammit!" I pull it back, examining the bleeding wounds, and choke out a sob. I laugh though instead, no tears for me. I'd done enough of that the night she'd come back. I'm supposed to be _evil, _evil just doesn't do the whole weeping poof bit.

I hear a creaking sound upstairs, footsteps by the likes of it. I hear a faint pulse, good and strong. Must be the slayer. Making my way quickly up the ladder, I see her before she knows I'm there. Buffy's got her back to me, looking around at how different the place looks. For a second I regret changing everything – even more to confuse her – but maybe this time 'round she can see how near human I am.

I slowly walk up behind her, surprised when she doesn't turn around and stake me right there. "Buffy?" I say softly, watching her turn slowly to look at me. She glances down at my hand, and then back up to my face.

"Your hand is hurt." She looks grimly back down to the blood stained skin coating my broken knuckles.

"Same to you." I point out tonelessly. She nods her head and looks to the floor. When she doesn't move, or answer, or anything really, I take my try at lightening the mood. "You can sit if you'd like, got some new furniture, you should see the downstairs too, really quite posh." I gesture at the ladder with my good hand, but let it go when she sits down in a leather chair a few feet to my left. I sit across from her, getting a little bothered by the accusing stare she keeps sending me. "I do remember what I said. The promise, to protect her. If I'd done that… Even if I hadn't made it you wouldn't have had to jump." I feel a lump growing in my throat and I swallow hard. She keeps staring at me with those wide, disturbed eyes. For just a second I think she never did go to hell like the others had said. "I want you to know I did save you." She blinks and looks down, maybe holding back a cry of her own? "Not when it counted, of course. But after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster… Or, or.. More clever. You know? Dozens of times, many different ways." She folds her hands in her lap and stares down at them, face flushing of all it's colour. "Every night I save you." She's staring at me now, a perfect reflection of me. Guess she's not here for my head after all.

"Spike I-" She doesn't finish the thought. Instead she just looks at me.

Biting her lip against the sting in her eyes, she crawls from her chair to my lap without hesitating, and wraps her arms around my neck, pressing her cheek to my shoulder and sniffling. "Sh love, you don't have to say anything." I soothe her, stroking her hair and rubbing small circles on her back.

"I don't want to feel like this, like nothing." She's sobbing now, and I can't think of one damned thing to say to make it better.

Instead I just hold her. Poor little lost girl.

It came as a pleasant shock when she ran her fingers across my cheek bone, pulling my face down to hers as she went and kissing me. It lasted barely a second but it was something. And I know she felt it.

**Buffy**

I can feel him… Actually _feel _him. Ten minutes later, still staring at him – those amazing electric blue sparkling eyes – I can still feel his touch. It's like our lips never parted, I can still feel him kissing me. Every inch of me is tingling, maybe my body's in shock. Not used to feeling anymore. But Spike… He can make me feel. He _is _making me feel. What does that mean?

He stares at me with questioning eyes, though he looks down right miserable – probably thanks to me – he somehow manages to look absolutely ecstatic all at the same time. Is that even possible? Well hey, I'm alive. How is _that _possible? Vampires are real. I'm the slayer. My whole world is impossible. So maybe…

Oh my god. Oh my god am I in _love _with Spike? No, no I couldn't be, of course not.

"Willow called Giles," I say lamely. When in doubt, say something dumb.

"Yeah?" He looks genuinely interested, even though he is very lucid about hating the man.

"He's taking the next flight back."

"Well that's good then right slayer?" He smiles, eyes drifting towards my lips. I know he's afraid to kiss me – how obvious is it that he wants to – I know I would be. I sigh and lean towards him, kissing him gently again and then resting on him like I had before.

"Spike I'm so glad you're here." I feel my breathing hitch when I realize just how true this statement is. "You're the only one I can stand right now." The corners of my mouth turn up slightly, amused, but the feeling still shocks me. Spike catches it to, and a grin of his own appears over his mouth.

"Is that so?" He chuckles and pulls my mouth back to his, smiling against my kiss. Maybe kissing him had been a mistake, he's probably going to get all cocky now.

But much to my surprise, Spike stays just as calm and comforting as he had since I got back. And I can't possibly imagine just how grateful I am for that – grateful for _him_.

"Will you…"I suddenly feel shy, though I don't remember ever feeling even the slightest bit shy around him.

"I'll do anything." He pressed, curiosity biting at him.

"Will you stay with me again tonight?" My unexpected request makes his eyes go wide, but he looks uncharacteristically pleased.

"Need someone to keep the nasties away love?" He jokes, pulling me against him.

"Actually yeah…" I bite my lip again, a little too hard this time. "I've been having nightmares." Not the usual slayer sense nightmares, oh no, these ones make me want to take a knife and end everything. Just last night I woke up inside a coffin, underground again, locked in, unable to move, or breathe, or escape… I woke up screaming and almost killed Dawn when she shook me out of the nightmare. In my dreamy state I had thought she was trying to push me back into the coffin, and I nearly gave her a concussion trying to pry her away from me. But then I'd sort of made it up to her. I asked her to lay with me, holding her in a sisterly embrace just like she'd wanted. After she fell asleep though, I was still to afraid to follow suit, and had gone down to the living room.

"I'll do my best." He tucked my head beneath his chin, and held me there, stroking my hair again.

Is this how it's going to be with Spike from now on? Nice and cuddly, like a teddy bear with fangs? Well why not? If I'm going to be stuck here for a while, I'd might as well take slight pleasure in it. I shook my head at the thought of actually ever being happy again. But Spike had other plans for my thoughts.

"How long's it been since you've eaten?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Uhm, I don't know." I reply suddenly counting back in my head to the peanut butter sandwich yesterday afternoon. "It's been a while." I finally answered.

"Right, well, time to get you something then yeah? Can't have any girl of mine wasting away." He took my hand and pulled me along to the door of the crypt.

When he opens the door I nearly leapout of my skin. "Spike you can't go out there!" I yank him back terrified.

He chuckles and kissing my forehead. "S'night time pet. Been here for hours already." He steps back and waits for me to rejoin him. "Come on now, let's take you home. I s'pose Dawn and the wiccas'll already be asleep. So long as they didn't wait up for you." He winks down at me, for some reason making me blush.


	4. Omelette is Progress

**Willow**

"Where is she?" I'm pacing back and forth in the living room, growing hysterical. "She left here hours ago!" I look at Dawn, Xander and Anya each in turn, waiting for some kind of logic to escape one of their lips.

"Calm down Will, she's probably fine." Xander said seriously, raising a hand to stop me in my steps.

I put my arms out to the side, nearly defeated. "But what if she's not?"

"Buffy's a big girl, she can take care of herself." He seems sure enough, but I don't miss the buried panic that light up his eyes.

"I bet she's with Spike." Dawn offers. "They've been spending lots of time together since she got back." Her smile is hopeful, and I don't dare argue with her.

I turn around quickly when I hear the backdoor open, and together we all head towards the kitchen in investigation. We all stop dead in the doorway though when we see Spike there, leading Buffy over to sit at a stool at the island.

"Evenin'," he says to us, smiling in welcome at Dawn. We're even more surprised when he makes his way over to the fridge and pulls out a bunch of ingredients that he throws together in a pan on the stove.

"What'cha making?" Dawn asks casually, while the rest of us gawk.

"I'm making an omelette for my undead princess." The thought was serious, but he covers what would obviously result in a sever face breaking complimentary of the _undead princess_, by putting up a _very _sarcastic front. "You hungry niblet?" He asks while he adds some kind of spice into the mix.

"No thanks," she slumps down onto the stool near Buffy's.

"So where have you two been all day?" Xander crosses his arms accusingly at Spike.

**Buffy**

I've never felt such an urge to scream at the people I love to leave. But hey, at least it was something. I'm feeling something, and it's a start, Spike would be proud. Though I have no clue as to why _that _came into my head.

Spike flips the omelette once and adds stuff to it that I'm too not-carey to care about. He lets it simmer for a minute, letting his eyes bore into me. I'm not looking at him, but I can feel his stare like it's a part of me. I guess that comes from the slayer senses – whether they're half dead or not.

"Spike was just updating me on stuff." I hear myself say tonelessly. It isn't completely a lie, he told me some things. Mostly about himself, which was still stuff.

"What kind of stuff?" Dawn asks, excited to be part of the _grown up conversation._

"Nothing 'bit, you got homework?" Spike slides the yummy looking egg onto the plate and set it in front of me. For the first time since her return, I actually feel hungry. Briefly I wonder if it's because of Spike.

"Yeah, I have some English, wanna help?" She takes a piece of egg off my still untouched plate and nibbles at it.

"Thought you said you weren't hungry." He mutters. "Can't right now, Willow you mind helping with homework today?"

"Yeah, sure." The red haired girl looks up suspiciously between the three at the island, and then calls for Dawn to follow her out into the living room.

I catch the relieved glint in Spike's eyes when Xander follows after them.

With a sigh, Spike comes over to me and wraps his arm around my waist. "You can stand being around me?" He asks. "You're not just saying that?"

"Yep," I squeeze his hand and turn to face him. "I need you." I feel myself smile – an alien feeing as of late – when he wraps his arms around me and lets me tuck my head beneath his chin.

"How do you feel right now?" His thumb is tracing circles on my back, soft slow soothing circles that go 'round and 'round and 'round, kidnapping all of my thoughts.

"I feel safe." My eyes flutter shut.

"You were freakin' out just a second ago, pet." His breath prickles my skin. "I heard you." He holds me closer to him, and I snake my arms up his back to his shoulders.

"You heard me?"

"Yeah, you're heart beat. If I didn't know better I'd think you were getting murdered."

**Giles**

Answer the phone, answer the bloody phone. I've been hearing the ring on the other end of the line for quite a while now, normally the answering machine would have taken over, but nine rings later I'm still oh so impatiently waiting. I'm at the airport, waiting to board my flight. It's been delayed though, about two hours, but even so I feel it best to call ahead and let them know I'm on my way. Perhaps speak to Buffy...

"Hello?"

"Finally," I mutter too quietly for Tara to hear on the other end. "Tara, hello, it's me, Giles, erm... I was just calling to let you know I'll be boarding my flight soon."

"Oh Giles that's great! We all really miss you. Buffy's around here somewhere... Do you want to talk to her?"

Do I want to talk to Buffy? Well of course I very well do. But I cannot think of a single thing to say to her, and from what Dawn and Willow had told me, she won't have a thing to say either.

"Well, perhaps not, as I said I'll be boarding the plane soon, I'd best hang up." I lie, I'll just have to wait until I'm back in Sunnydale.

"Oh alright, it's probably easier that way. She's in the basement with Spike right now so she probably wouldn't feel to phone-talky right now anyways." Tara tells me.

"She's with Spike?" I take off my glasses and begin to clean them, clearly I won't like where the conversation is going. A speaker blares above my head, saying something unintelligible. It gets my attention though and I see the sign for my delayed flight flash red. _4 hour delay_. Bugger.

"Yeah, she's been hanging out with him a lot. I think he's really helping her, I mean, she actually ate something today without us shoving it down her throat."

"Oh really, well Tara that's wonderful news." I breathe out in relief, a light smile working its way into my voice. My slayer is making progress, perhaps she'll be out of this _zombie state _as Dawn puts it, before I get back.

"It's great, Spike made her this omelette, and she ate every last bite. I wasn't there, but I heard..." Her voice fades at the end; I suppose she's become unsure of what she's saying.

"Oh, I see." I look beside me, and catch a small sized man trying to make a run for it with my luggage. "Excuse me Tara, but I must be going now." I say quickly, already making my way after him before I've hung up the receiver. I slam it back on its base and chase after the man who's taken my things.


	5. Ashes

**Spike**

"No! God, No!" The girl leaning against me screams out, suddenly lashing her arms and legs frantically, making strange choking sounds.

"Buffy?" I take her shoulders, holding her off of me as I try to sit up. Another nightmare, she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Desperately trying to get out of the coffin that he knew she was seeing. "Buffy, love wake up." I shake her gently, waiting for her to come to. She does, she wakes up with a lurch and lunges to the other side of the bed. "Just a nightmare, love. Come back." I take her shaking hand and kiss it gently before tugging her back to me. "It's alright."

"You're supposed to keep the nightmares away." She protests, feeling betrayed.

"I tried," I sigh and wraps her in my arms. "God knows I'm trying love." I kiss her shoulder and lean back slightly against the head board, just enough to be comfortable, but not enough that they would be lying down. Poor girl still couldn't lay down, just like she couldn't be in the dark.

She moans softly, still trembling with fear. "I don't like nightmares. They're scary." I laugh at this, her innocent idiocy getting the better of her in her sleepiness.

"I know love." I say with a killer smile.

Smiling back, she leans in to kiss me, and instead of pulling away like last time, she rests there, lips on mine, mouths moving slowly together.

"You're tired." I remind her after what seemed like moments, but was unmistakably much longer. "Get some rest." I pull her head to my shoulder, waiting for her to tuck her feet up before I lay back more fully. Still not completely though.

I knew she was asleep when her breathing evened out, yet her pulse remains beating hard and frantically. I'm humming softly to her when her breathing picks up as well, knowing she was entering yet another nightmare. I stroke her hair, letting her know that he was still with her, safe and protected. She calmed almost immediately. It wasn't long after I stopped humming that her breathing pitched once more.

**Dawn**

I could hear the screaming, all night, Buffy was having her nightmares. And really, it scares me beyond belief. My sister is _the slayer_. The only girl in the world that isn't supposed to get scared. What could she possibly be dreaming about that has her so afraid? Really, I don't want to know.

I get up before it's light out, I can't sleep. Not with that screaming fit happening. Usually Spike could keep her quiet. Maybe he just isn't good enough anymore. He helps her in the day though. And the ironic part is, that it used to be the other way around. He used to keep the nightmares away, and not be around in the daytime. Suddenly though he's here 24/7. Not that I mind. But he hasn't really been paying me much attention now that he has Buffy. Not that I mind! Again, not that I mind. I love having Buffy back, nothing makes me happier. But... It isn't like she's really back is it? I mean, she hardly looks at me. Almost never talks to me. It hurts. A lot. Willow is so busy trying to make things better for her, since she's the reason she's back I guess she feels responsible. Tara is also trying to make her feel ok, she's so sensitive to the whole barely alive deal that Buffy's got going on. Giles isn't even here, but I know that if he were here, he also wouldn't talk to me much.

I stare out the window with a sigh. It would have been better if she just hadn't died in the first place. Obviously.

Thinking of a way to get attention, I brighten almost instantly. Big breakfast for everyone! I hold down my squeal before I set to work on the one thing I know that I really can't do. Cook. But it can't be that hard right? I mean, I'm only going to make simple stuff... Toast, eggs maybe... I get a pan down from the rack and put it on the stove, debating with myself for a moment which of the numbers the dial should pointto. 400 degrees celcius... No that's for the ? The little black writing says oven... Ok, so the stove is here...

**Spike**

Somethin's burnin'... I look around and sniff the air. Yeah, somethin' is definitely burnin'. I slowly lay the slayer down in the bed, hoping that she'll be ok to lay there for a few. It's probably nothin', but I have to check. I take the stairs silently, two at a time, and follow the scent into the kitchen.

I nearly break down into fits of laughter when I find the niblet standin' there over the stove looking absolutely lost. Should'a known.

"Oi, bit." I startle her, but that only makes the suppressed laughter even harder to holdin. "What'cha doin'there, pet?" I point to the mess on the stove, where smoke is rising from some odd lookin' piece of food.

"I was... Making breakfast for everybody." Dawn says slowly, looking from her masterpiece back to me.

"Brilliant love," I say in as impressed a voice as I can muster. "But, if you want to make toast..." A step around her to the stove and turn the dial to off. "You've gotta use a toaster." I chuckle warmly and dump the ashen bread into the garbage before returning the pan to the stove. "Why don't you let me help bit?" I ask, hoping she takes the offer in as not bad a way as is possible.

"Yes!" She squeals, wrapping me in a huge hug. "Ok, I was going to make..."

**A/N: Ok, sorry about the lameness of the first part of the chapter... I originally forgot that the whole thing was Spike's POV... And wrote it in 3****rd**** person... so... Instead of rewriting it I just changed all of the "he"'s to "I"'s and such and such. The rest I hope is good though. AND sorry for the lamely lengthed chapter... It'll be lengthier once Giles gets back...**


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